Dear Anonymous

Posted: December 4th, 2006 by .

Your comment sucked and I deleted it. While the U.S.A. may purport to be a free country, people’s individual blogs are not. You and FedEx deserve each other.

I love being the ruler of my little blogger universe.

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FedEx Sucks

Posted: December 2nd, 2006 by .

I want the whole world to know that FedEx sucks. By the way, Federal Express, you blow. I can’t even believe people entrust valuables to you, much less documents that absolutely, positively have to be there overnight. FedEx, FedEx Express, Federal Express/Kinko’s, whatever you call yourselves, you are rude and inefficient.

Now I know why I love the Postal Service. They don’t suck nearly as much as FedEX.

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Ouch, I feel rejected!

Posted: November 21st, 2006 by .

There are some clients you are just better off without. I say this for those young lawyers brave enough to step out on their own and who will, inevitably, face some form of rejection by clients. Whether its people who dangle the thrill of new clientdom in front of you, but who ultimately choose another lawyer, or clients who hire you and end up leaving you, its going to happen and probably happen more than once. And, you know what? Its okay.

I think the universe has a way of looking out for its own. For example, you’ve got a client who calls twenty times a day, always asking questions for which you could NEVER know the answer. You tell the client everything you know, where to find the answers, where to seek help. The client doesn’t want to do what you say and instead, decides that you are the problem and you need to be fired.

Maybe it’ll hurt your feelings, hopefully only for a minute though. Because, if you are confident in the work you do, you’ll know that you are not to blame. There are just some people you can never make happy. And, if you try, you will most likely fail.

But, is it bad to be fired? Does it really speak ill of who you are as a lawyer? If it happens a lot, then yes, it probably does not bode well for your future as a money making lawyer. In that sort of situation, you should evaluate your, um, skills. Maybe re-read the Rules of Evidence, you know, that sort of thing.

It’s definately bad to be fired if you’ve got no way of giving the client any of his money back. If you’ve spent the cash, yeah, you’ve got problems. But otherwise, you will probably find that the kind of client you are losing is exactly the kind of client you should lose. The ingrate, the know-it-all, the manipulator. You would be stuck with someone who has no faith in you, no trust in your abilities. This could be even more devastating than losing that client and that small or large sum of money they’ve contributed to your kitty. But, this sort of client is nothing but trouble. These are clients from whence greivance committee complaints arise. When one of these clients leaves you, weep not, gentle lawyer. If you do your job well, you will find many other fish in the sea who will be more than happy to have you by their side.

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So, uh, nice track marks

Posted: November 17th, 2006 by .

Long ago, in a land far far away, I never would have imagined this would be my life. I have my own Sharps container in my kitchen. I have a gigantic tupperware container of medication, and my beer fridge downstairs is filled with even more. I have syringes and needles that could get me a mint on the Eastside. I am a junkie. A follicle stimulating, pituitary gland suppressing junkie. I have trackmarks on my abdomen.

Last night we had a recovering infertile couple over for dinner. They, after 4 years of trying, finally got pregnant on their second IVF cycle. She’s tired and feeling a bit sick, but apparently is hesitant to show her excitement for this miracle. I imagine it feels a lot like winning the lottery– disbelief, shock, and the feeling that any minute now Ashton Kucher is going to pop out behind the van parked down the street and tell you its all a hoax.

For dinner we had braised short ribs with white bean puree, salad and bread. For dessert we had ice cream and cookies. She and I drank sparkling cider. She, because she’s pregnant. Me, because you aren’t supposed to drink when you are trying to hyperstimulate your ovaries.

After dessert we had some entertainment. They sat on the couch while I prepared my fourth injection of the day – take off the big ass needle, put on the Q-cap, pull in the dilutent, release into the bottle of powder, pull up, release into the next bottle of powder, cleanse the area of injection, and shoot.

Is this for real? Am I shooting up in front of guests? Is this proper etiquette?

She asked at dinner “Are you two having sex? You’d better now because in a few days you won’t feel like it when your ovaries are huge and bloated.” Most people have sex in order to get pregnant. We have to avoid it. These questions are normal for us, we talk about our ovaries, our linings, how many follicles we have, what our estrogen levels are. We talk about the sting of the Follistim, the enormity of the intramuscular needles, and when it finally happens for one of us, we talk about the disbelief, the blob on the ultrasound, morning sickness – the REAL normal stuff.

I am anxious to leave these needles behind. To bring my Sharps container to the pharmacist and not ask for a new one. This past year has been a rollercoaster of emotions and these past few months well, they’ve been some of the best and some of the worst. A year ago, when I got on this ride, I never thought I’d get here. I was so naive in thinking that fertility treatments were a quick fix, the certain answer on the road to the thing that everyone else gets by having an orgasm (or faking one). Now I know better. And, I’ve got the track marks to prove it.

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